The Benefits of Alcohol as a Social Lubricant
by Veleda
Summary: Takes place during episode 10, "Quick Draw." Vash, Wolfwood, Meryl, and Milly bond over alcohol, a story, and an impromptu strip tease.


"So, who's up for a drink?" Wolfwood asked.

Milly bounced up and down. "Me! Me! Me!" She bounded over to the table.

"Uh, don't let her have too much!" Meryl cautioned nervously.

"Hey, lighen up." Wolfwood grinned and raised the bottle of whiskey. "Who's first, then?"

Milly's hand shot up. "Oh! Me! Me!"

Meryl conscientiously shut the door behind her and frowned slightly. "I won't have any, thanks. There are only two glasses," she pointed out sensibly.

"So what?" Wolfwood asked brightly. "We can share. You can drink out of Vash's glass."

"What? I will do no such thing."

Wolfwood leaned in close, peering at her. "Are you blushing?"

"No!" Meryl exclaimed loudly.

Wolfwood laughed and turned to Vash. "Shot down again! You don't have any luck with women, do you?"

Vash smiled weakly and averted his eyes. Maybe if he didn't look at Meryl, she wouldn't kill him. Luckily for Vash, Meryl was apparently too embarrassed to maim him. Instead she simply sat down on the bed with a huff.

Wolfwood looked at Milly. "You don't mind sharing with me, do you?"

Milly shook her head. "Not at all," she told him jovially.

"Good to hear." Wolfwood pointed at Vash. "You have to move."

Vash looked affronted "What? Why?" Wolfwood gestured toward Milly. "If we're sharing a glass, we need to sit next to each other, and there are only two chairs." Wearing a very fake pout, Vash got up and sat down next to Meryl. She scooted away. Wolfwood leaned in close to Milly. "I can hear wedding bells already," he whispered conspiratorially. She giggled as she sat down. Wolfwood grinned broadly at the room. "Now, down to business. Put up your glasses, ladies and gentlemen!"

"Why are you the one holding the bottle?" Vash demanded. "Because I am a man of God, and therefore I'm trustworthy," Wolfwood explained as he filled his own glass. His cheerful expression didn't falter under Meryl and Vash's nearly identical looks of skepticism. He poured and handed Vash a drink, then turned back to his own glass... only to find it empty. He looked up at Milly, who simply smiled at him. He chuckled. "Well, ladies first, I guess. But this next one is mine." Milly nodded. Wolfwood raised his (now full again) glass. "To Vash's victory tomorrow!" he cried before downing his drink. Milly cheered, Vash smiled awkwardly, and Meryl looked slightly sick.

"It will all end in chaos," she muttered.

Vash beamed at her. "Aw, come on." He finished his drink and held it out for Wolfwood to refill.

"What could possibly go wrong?" Meryl glared at him. "The same kind of things that goes wrong every time that you drag us into one of these messes."

"Are you absolutely _sure_ that you don't want a drink?"

"Yes, I'm sure," Meryl snapped.

Vash shrugged as if to say "suit yourself." He drained his glass again. "This is pretty good stuff," he noted. "Hey, Wolfwood, pour me another." Wolfwood readily obliged.

Meryl eyed his glass. "Are you going to be able to shoot straight at the quick draw tournament tomorrow after drinking so much?"

"Are you worried about me, Meryl?" Vash teased.

"Hardly. I'm more worried about you shooting out windows. Windows that will cost money to fix."

Meanwhile, Milly and Wolfwood were contentedly passing their single glass between themselves. "Do they always argue this much?" Wolfwood jerked his head toward Meryl and Vash.

"Oh no," Milly assured him. "Meryl is normally much crankier than this." She finished her whiskey and handed the glass back.

Wolfwood raised an eyebrow. "You sure can hold your liquor."

"My family brews moonshine," Milly explained serenely.

"Huh. Don't you two work for an insurance company? I thought that insurance agents were supposed to be proper and respectable."

"I thought that priests were supposed to be peaceable and not not carry guns," Milly responded.

Wolfwood wondered if he was imagining the glint of mischief in her eyes. He turned to refill Vash's glass, and when he turned back, she was looking perfectly innocent. He looked at the bottle. "Empty already?"

"Oh no!" Milly exclaimed, as Vash looked up, alarmed. Meryl rolled her eyes.

Wolfwood stood up heroically. "No need to worry. I'll go get us some more from the lady downstairs." He strode out of the room like a brave warrior marching into battle.

"I think that that man is suspicious," Meryl said once Wolfwood was gone.

Vash nodded. "Weird too."

"Yes, but you're pretty weird and suspicious yourself, Mr. Vash," Milly pointed out.

Vash sighed. "Only you could say that so happily. But, Wolfwood seems like an okay guy, even if he is weird."

"You only like him because he gave you alcohol," Meryl said with frustration.

"Don't be ridiculous," Vash told her nonchalantly. "I'm an excellent judge of character." Meryl scoffed and glared at him.

"I like him too," Milly chimed in.

"You're as bad as he is." Meryl sighed.

"Did you miss me?" Meryl, Milly, and Vash all turned when Wolfwood reentered the room, his arms full of liquor bottles.

"That's a lot of alcohol." Meryl's voice was only slightly accusing.

"This way we won't run out," Wolfwood answered, as if explaining a genius idea. He set the bottles down and waved a glass at Meryl. "I found another one. Now you have no excuse not to join us."

Meryl bit her lip and hesitated. "I'm not sure that I..."

"Meryl." Meryl looked at Vash, who placed his hand over his heart. Very seriously, he said, "I swear that I will not get into any trouble for the rest of the night." He smiled playfully at her. "So, you can relax for a little while, all right?"

Meryl paused, then sighed, took the now full glass, and sipped it. Vash had been right, she thought. It was pretty good.

"Good to see that everyone has joined the party." Wolfwood raised his glass. "Cheers!" Everyone was silent for a few moments, until Wolfwood spoke up. "Nothing is more depressing than drinking in silence. Hey," he looked at Vash, "why don't you give us a story?"

"A story?" Vash looked perplexed.

"Yeah. Vash the Stampede must have lots of exciting stories to share with us all."

Vash laughed nervously. "Nope, it's all very boring, sorry," he told them quickly. "What about you? What sort of trouble does a gunslinging traveling priest get into?"

Wolfwood grimaced internally. "Well, uh..."

"You run an orphanage, don't you, Mr. Priest?" Milly interrupted. "Tell us about the children."

Wolfwood held back a sigh of relief. Then he looked closely at Milly, wondering if there wasn't a little too much understanding in her eyes. He shook his head. That one was smarter than she first looked. He leaned back and thought for a little while.

"Once," he began, "we had a traveling circus come to the area. Good people. They put on a show for the kids for practically no money. Anyway, after they left, one of the girls, Jane, decided that it was her life's dream to join their troupe. She spent almost all of her time outside practicing handstands and cartwheels. You'd have to call her at least half a dozen times to get her to come inside. We were all pretty amused by it, up until she vanished. She snuck out in the middle of night to go and join the circus. It was so cliché that it would have been funny if we hadn't all been so worried about her. A little girl can come to a lot of harm in the desert." Wolfwood looked bitter for a few seconds, and he knocked back a drink before continuing. "So, we organized this big search party. Kids, adults, everyone. We looked and looked, but there was no sign of her. It got to be about noon, the sun was blazing down on us, and the kids were getting hungry and tired. So we headed back, planning to start searching again as soon as we could." Wolfwood stopped and laughed slightly. "And there in the kitchen is Jane, finishing off a stack of sandwiches. She had gotten hungry and come back home. We had just missed each other in the desert. We should have been furious, but we were so glad to see that she was safe that we weren't nearly as harsh as we could have been." He grinned. "Though, I'm sure that a week without dessert didn't seem particularly lenient to her."

Milly giggled. "That was such a cute story." Her words were slightly slurred, and the bottle in front of her was empty again. She closed her eyes and shifted uncomfortably. "Ma'am, I feel so hot. Wow!" She shrugged off her jacket, then began to undo her suspenders.

"Hey, don't do that here!" Meryl shouted.

"You go, big girl!" Wolfwood cheered.

"Put your clothes back on right now!" Meryl got off of the bed and hurried towards Milly.

"Whoa yeah!" Wolfwood continued, as Milly started unfastening the buttons on her shirt. Vash just laughed uproariously.

"Stop that." Meryl tried to put Milly's clothes back on her, which was made difficult by the fact that Milly was just as determined to keep taking them off. Finally, Meryl gave up and simply started to push Milly out the door. "Thank you for having us," she said to Vash and Wolfwood between gritted teeth, "but we should go. Come _on_, Milly." Milly gave the two men a friendly wave as Meryl pulled and pushed her away.

After Meryl and Milly were gone, Wolfwood looked at Vash. "They're good women."

Vash hung his head. "They're a pain."

Wolfwood burst out laughing. "No doubt. But they're still good women."

Vash smiled softly. "Yeah."

Wolfwood looked at him intensely. "I'll never get tired of that smile," he said finally. Then he grinned widely and opened another bottle. "Come on, drink up. After all, you might get shot full of holes tomorrow and this would be the last drink that you ever had."

Vash gave him a withering look. "You're a big help," he said sarcastically. But he took the drink that Wolfwood offered. Without Meryl and Milly there, it was easier to fall into silence.

Wolfwood broke the quiet. "So, drinking contest?" He smirked at Vash.

Vash returned the look. "You're on." Half an hour later, Wolfwood decided that if there was anything truly legendary about Vash the Stampede, it was his alcohol tolerance. Then he passed out.

Vash set down the bottle he had been holding, a triumphant look on his face. Oh yes, he thought, he was still the best. He didn't fight as his eyelids grew heavy and his head nodded. It was nice to have people to drink with. It was nice to have... friends. It had been a long time since he had had friends. He fell asleep, unconcerned by the fact that he hadn't set the alarm. One of his friends would wake him up.


End file.
